


Lost in Moonside

by BanhTM



Series: Oneshots [2]
Category: Mother 2: Gyiyg no Gyakushuu | EarthBound
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Moonside
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:40:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26739004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BanhTM/pseuds/BanhTM
Summary: AU where Ness accepted Porky's offer of friendship at Happy Happy Village aka Porky joined the party.Jeff finds himself stranded in Moonside with Ness's neighbor and self-proclaimed best friend. Things go from bad to worse, but he might be in for a pleasant surprise of his own.
Series: Oneshots [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2148387
Comments: 3
Kudos: 9





	1. The Argument

No one could've expected the lights to go off at the Department Store (except that mouse, but who listens to rodents?). Things went from bad to worse when Paula was whisked away from right under their noses.

So here they are, trapped in a sprawling metropolis of skyscrapers and unsavory political dealings.

"My feet hurt! I'm tired, spankety spankety spankety!"

Ness approaches a trash can.

"Ugh, why do we have to look for your _girlfriend?"_

Ness ceases his dumpster diving and dons a deep frown.

Porky snickers. "Ness and Paula sitting in a tree! K-I-S-G—"

Ness brandishes his bat.

Jeff quickly intervenes. "N-Ness, please calm down. We'll help you look for Paula. Porky, your cooperation is very much appreciated—"

"You two dweebs look for her. I'll be sitting in the shade."

The air crackles with PSI.

Porky sneers. "Oooh, are you going to blast me with your freaky p-powers? That's not how best friends treat each other, spankety spankety spankety!"

_Krrk. Krrk._ Tell-tale sounds of PSI Rockin', Ness's signature move. **_BOOM!_** Lightbulbs explode. **_BEEEEP!_** Car alarms scream.

"Ness!" Jeff hisses. "Please, your powers are…"

Ness brushes Jeff aside and storms away.

"Loser!" Porky guffaws.

That trademark cap is gone, swallowed by the sea of people. Jeff looks on helplessly.

Perhaps it's better to let him cool down?

"WET WILLY!"

Jeff ducks before Porky's finger can find his eardrum.

"GET BACK HERE, MONKEY!"

Monkeys are abundant in Winters. When Tony left for the holidays, monkeys filled in the void with their noisy company. They helped Jeff overcome those dark, snowy nights of solitude. They even taught him some life-saving skills.

Porky is thrashing his fist. "Get down from that tree, nerd! My spit is drying!"

It is very tempting to ditch the bully. An effective yet short-term strategy. But Jeff knows he can't, as Porky is Ness's neighbor. They grew up together. They're best friends… according to Porky. Ness never denied nor confirmed that.

"We have to find Ness!" Jeff yells from the safety of his branch. "There are a lot of dangerous enemies—"

"Boo! Ness, Ness, Ness! It's always about Ness!"

"Porky, wait!"

Splitting up in a labyrinth is the last thing Jeff wants to do. So he jumps down and chases Ness's neighbor to a shady-looking café in the south of Fourside.

* * *

The smell hits Jeff first. Sour. Acidic. Astringent. Not the typical scents of a café.

Porky marches to the counter. "Give me one martini on rocks!"

Jackie, the bartender, squints down on him. "We only have expresso," he grunts. "It's a café, not a bar."

A man is rambling something about a revolving door in the corner, next to the jukebox. His face is flushed, his tie wrapped around his balding head. With a shrill "Only in Eagleland!" he dives off his chair. A puddle of honey-colored liquid grows on the charred carpet like creeping mold.

Porky turns. "Pay up, nerd!"

Jeff shakes his head. He still finds it odd that Ness has his own ATM Card. His dad, whoever he was, must be very wealthy. "Porky, they're smoking in here. Let's go."

"No money, no service," says the bartender with clipped finality.

Porky screws up his face. "I want my martini NOW! It's not fair that my old man gets to enjoy all the good things in life!"

Jackie merely continues polishing his shot glasses.

If there's anything that Jeff had learned in his adventure, it's that Porky won't take "no" as an answer. He'll smile insincerely, he'll apologize profusely, but if the ruse won't work…

So while Jackie is distracted with an incapacitated customer, Porky sneaks behind the counter.

"Score!" he hums, his big nose wrinkling like a pig detecting the smell of truffles. "What is this? V-O-D…"

"Porky!"

"Why is there a lever in here? C-Could it be a secret cellar?!"

"Porky, stop!"

_Click._ Suddenly, a deafening, high-pitch whine slices across the air like a supersonic boom. Something bursts in Jeff's ears. The world tips to the side, tumbling down, down… down into a never-ending spiral into darkness.


	2. Welcome to Moonside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Porky screws up.

Fourside is gone.

What sprawls before them now is something conjured from an acid trip. Color and physics are disregarded. Distorted buildings. Broken neon lights. A black sky devoid of stars and life.

A man in a suit approaches the bewildered boys.

"Welcome to Moonside!" he says in a shrill falsetto. "Here, 'yes' is 'no' and 'no' is 'yes,' understand?"

Jeff and Porky exchange glances.

The man's grin becomes wide and unnatural. "No! Welcome to Moonside, where sins and demons live rent-free, ahaahah!"

Porky sprints back into the café. Still the same people. Jackie is still here, appearing as disinterested as he was before.

"Fourside?" grunts a drunkard. "You still sleeping? This is Moonside!"

Porky grabs Jeff's collar. "Don't just stand there looking stupid! Teleport us out!"

"I can't!"

"Why not?!"

"I told you, _I can't!"_

Porky dashes Jeff aside like a toy bulldozer. "Loser, loser, loser!"

Jeff cringes. "P-Porky, we need to stick together! We have to contact Ness—"

Porky screws up his face to the point that he might spit on Jeff. "Ness, Ness, Ness! You find him yourself if you love him that much!"

"Wait!"

"Augh! _Go away, Picky!"_

And Porky immediately stiffens. "S-Shut up! Get lost, four-eyes!"

"B-But I never said…" Clutching his thick glasses, Jeff sprints after the rotund boy. This place is so unfamiliar. It will be very easy to get lost.

Porky spins around. "Why are you so annoying? If you don't get the hint, I'll beat it into you!''

As the old saying goes, _"Sticks and stones might break my bones, but words will never hurt me."_ Proverbial nonsense. Jeff has endured much more crippling blows from monsters.

"I won't leave you alone!" Jeff mumbles as loud as he can. "I won't let any more of Ness's friends disappear like that ever again."

Porky raises his fist. Jeff braces… but the impact never comes. Porky is just standing there, his lips lifted to reveal glistening gums… and that's about it.

Growling, Porky kicks Jeff's kneecaps and runs off.

* * *

Jeff finally finds Porky in the lobby of the Dark Moon Hotel.

"I told you, kid," the hotel manager is saying. "It costs $150 for one sleep period."

"$5!" Porky says.

"$150."

"$2!"

Then Porky sees Jeff. "I know you have cash!" he snaps. "Give it, now!"

Jeff steps back. "I-I told you, I don't have an ATM Card. Ness is the one in charge of our funds…"

But Porky's attention had shifted back to harassing the nonplussed hotel manager. After many failed attempts, he reluctantly sulks back to Jeff, all while murmuring unsavory words under his breath.

"P-Porky."

"What?!"

Jeff exhales from his mouth. "T-There's a phone. I have enough change to make one call."

Porky brightens. "Good! Call your mommy! Tell her that we're strapped for cash!"

A bitter taste swells to Jeff's tongue. He adverts his gaze from Porky's nasty grin.

"What's wrong with you?" the older boy snaps. "Ness calls his mommy all the time!"

"I _could_ try calling Dr. Andonuts," Jeff mutters, although that thought sounds as pleasant as jabbing an ice pick into the frontal lobe.

"Who? Haha, what kind of _stupid_ name is Ate Donuts—"

"You have no right to sully his name!" Jeff snarls. Porky flinches. "Dr. _Andonuts_ is the greatest scientist of the century, his intellect even rivaling that of the legendary physicist…"

But when Jeff realizes the identity of the monster reflecting off Porky's fearful eyes, he instantly bites his tongue. Swallows down the roiling emotions before they fester out of control.

"Sorry." Jeff fixes his glasses. Smooths his collar. "Why don't you call your family, Porky? Ness told me you have a younger brother."

Porky stares at the phone. He lifts his gaze to Jeff's ear, then back down at this protruding stomach.

"I'm hungry," he whimpers.

"You should check up with your family," Jeff insists. "The phone lines only work if you want to call within Eagleland."

"You… don't live in Eagleland?"

Jeff purses his lips. "No…? I came from a boarding school in Winters, the continent in the east."

"You grew up in school?"

"I… suppose you can say that."

Porky keeps staring at his overall buttons. Then he snorts. "Hah! Dweeeeeb!'

Ness's neighbor sure is a mystery. "Where are you going?" Jeff says.

"Nerd! Dork! Your daddy doesn't care about you!"

That bitter taste surges up to Jeff's eyeballs. He chases Porky out of the hotel and into the streets.

"Porky!" Jeff shouts. "Watch out—"

Too late. Porky accidentally sideswipes a harmless-looking gas pump. The object springs to life, wrapping its rubber nozzle around Porky's leg.

"AH!" Porky screams. "HELP!" His panic only attracts neighboring enemies: An Enraged Fire Plug, an Abstract Art, and a Dali's Clock.

Jeff gropes his pockets. Broken Spray Can. Broken Bazooka. A graveyard of junk too complicated to fix.

But there's no time to gripe about failures. Jeff whips out his Laser Gun and blasts Robo Pump with a beam of light.

Porky is free. He throws himself behind the smaller boy, screaming, "DO SOMETHING! THEY'RE COMING!"

Two against four. Through Jeff's Spy technique, he's able to discern his enemies' stats… and unfortunately, they all have high defensive powers. This measly Laser Gun won't make a dent.

"Do your magic!" Porky roars.

"I can't!" Jeff retorts. "Stop yelling so I can think for a second!"

"What do you mean you can't? Just wave your hands like Ness—"

"I'm not psychic!"

"You mean… you're _normal?"_

A torrent of water hits Jeff squarely in the ribs with the force of a wrecking ball. A sharp **_crack!_** resounds from somewhere nearby.

"WAAAH!" And there's Porky, pretending to cry.

Summoning all his fading strength, Jeff staggers to his knees. Vision is swimming, fluid is sloshing in his lungs. They don't have Ness and Paula… but that doesn't mean all hope is lost.

Porky's jaw drops when Jeff produces his Bottle Rockets.

And from there, things only go downhill. As Jeff struggles to grip the remote control, Porky uses him to block an incoming projectile attack. A button is pressed. Rockets fly into Jeff's face.

**_BOOM! BOOM!_**

The last thing Jeff sees is falling red snow before the world plunges to black.


	3. The Root of All Evil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unlikely tag team.

****

**_BOOM! BOOM!_ **

The rockets go off in a spectacular patriotic display. Now all that's missing is BBQ.

When Porky lifts his palms from his eyes, the enemies are still standing. That dumb nerd's aim sucks!

So Porky does the only thing he's good at: he plays dead.

One second.

One minute.

One hour?

After who-knows-how-long, Porky peels himself from the black pavement. All clear. Those enemies must've gotten bored and left.

"Hah… Hahaha!" Porky slumps over from sheer relief. "I bet you wetted your pants! Thanks to my heroic feats, they're gone." He stands on his trembling legs. "W-Well! Smell ya later, spankety spankety spankety!"

Silence answers him.

"Hey!" The smugness in Porky's voice falters. "I said, smell ya later! Answer me!'

Jeff is face down on what appears to be a puddle of… something. When Porky kicks Jeff's arm, the limb simply snaps back like a rubber band. Upon closer inspection, the latter's green blazer is stained with… red flowers that seem to be growing in size each passing second.

Panic grips Porky's stomach. He glances around. There, wedged into a florescent bush, are those thick glasses… or what used to be glasses.

"HEY!" Porky rolls Jeff over—and his heart stops. There's no way…

Porky hauls the bag of bones up by the collar. "WAKE UP! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SAY, 'PORKY, WAIT! PORKY, DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE!'" He's screaming into Jeff's ears, but deep in his heart, he knows those words will never reach their destination.

And there's red everywhere. Red… the color of licorice and blood.

Porky kicks Jeff's broken body aside. Maybe this was a good thing? Yes, it is! Without this pesky nerd, Porky is free to do as he wishes! No more dead weight! No more crying pipsqueak to run after him, shouting _, "Porky, Porky, Tracy didn’t mean to make fun of you! Come back and play with me!"_

However, no matter how much Porky convinces himself, his heart refuses to accept this grand delusion.

So Porky swings Jeff onto his back. He runs around Moonside, yelling at the adults for help, but all they do is grin dazedly like those brainwashed followers of the Happy Happy Cult. There is a hamburger in the trash can, but corpses cannot eat solid food.

Porky barges into the hotel.

"$150 for a sleep cycle," the manager drawls.

_"Picky is dead!"_ Porky screeches.

"$150 for a—"

"If you don't let me through, I'll take a dump on your rug!"

That brings an emotion into the man's lifeless mask. "You… Huh?"

Porky triumphantly unclips his overalls. He contorts his face. Gives them three seconds. Three… two…

"AAAH!"

It's so funny when adults scream like Picky.

"See ya later, potater!" Porky wipes his ass with the carpet before pulling up his overalls. He disappears up the stairs before anyone can fully comprehend the situation.

In the dimly-lit hotel room, he tosses Jeff on the bed and barricades the door with a florescent bookshelf.

The nerd's face is chalky white. Porky remembers Paula saying something about feeling pulses, so he presses Jeff's shoe against his ear. Huh. Maybe this only works if you're psychic.

"Picky!" Porky cries. "PICKY!"

And then, like a miracle out of dawn, Jeff's finger twitches. Lips part for a slight groan. Glassy brown eyes squint from underneath golden bangs caked with red.

"Tony?" Jeff whispers.

Porky wipes his sleeve across his face. Stupid lights. "Who's Tony?"

Jeff tests his shoulder. Recoils. Very, very slowly, he pulls himself up, chest heaving as though sitting up requires the same effort as skydiving.

"Porky?" he gasps.

"YEAH?!"

"Where are you?"

"Huh? I'm right here!"

"I… I still can't see you." Jeff covers his eyes. "Sorry… I'm very near-sighted. I can't see anything right now."

Porky shoves the half-eaten hamburger into Jeff's mouth. "Eat it! Eat so you can see again!"

"Hngh… Sorry. I don't feel like eating… Porky. I-I can't feel my legs."

Porky's gaze drops to Jeff's legs. And he looks away.

"I think… the rocket malfunctioned." Barely a whisper, his voice. Porky feels like throwing up. "I… I have to be careful next time… Are you hurt, Porky?"

"N-No…"

"Good… Sorry, I don't have any food on me. I'm stuck with all this broken equipment…" A painful intake of breath. "We… have to find… Ness…"

Jeff's head rolls into Porky's shoulder. He's right. They can't keep wandering around in this purgatory forever, especially in Jeff's condition…

So Porky makes the once-in-a-lifetime exception to piggyback someone other than Picky. He proudly strides out of the hotel, an easy task considering how the adults are still lamenting over their ruined carpet.

"What is that _awful_ stench?" Jeff mumbles.

Porky cackles. "Thanks!"

* * *

Once outside, Porky drifts aimlessly down the streets, one ear peeled to the whirling cries of enemies, the other strained to monitor Jeff's irregular heartbeat.

The silence becomes so terrifying that Porky has to yell. "HEY!"

Jeff twitches. "Y-Yes?"

Keep him talking. "Who's Tony?"

"Who…? Oh." A serene calm settles on Jeff's face. "He's my friend. Back at the boarding school…

"I have a question for you too, Porky. You kept calling me Picky. Who is that?"

"That's none of your…" Porky sniffs bitterly. "Picky's my little brother. Happy now?"

"Your… oh. For you to call me Picky… do we look alike?"

Porky keeps silent. Suddenly, thoughts of his little brother flash into mind. Little Picky, receiving compliments for his good behavior in school. Little Picky eating all his vegetables. Goody little Picky with shirts that actually fit him.

Little Picky saving the fattest portion of fried chicken for his older brother. Little Picky sneaking into their room to keep his grounded older brother company. Little Picky begging Ness to give his older brother a second chance. 

Tiny, crybaby Picky who won't ever abandon his big brother.

Jeff is watching carefully, his expression unreadable. "I can walk by myself," he mutters. "Let me down—"

"What's that?"

In the distance, below a glaringly bright Monotoli building is… a statue. A towering, imposing glided statue with horns and an evil smile.

Gooseflesh crawls down Porky's neck. "That's a Mani-Mani Statue! I saw one at Happy Happy Village! It brainwashes people!"

Jeff's eyebrows knit together. "Then… we need to take it out, right?"

"Are you crazy?! That thing is solid gold! We don't have magical powers!"

"Huh. Didn't you tell me _not_ to rely on Ness for everything?"

Porky stares at Jeff, who rubs the veil from his eyes and straightens. "I'm weak, but I'm not useless," the latter says. "Porky, I have a favor."

"W-What can _I_ do?"

"You can be my eyes. And feet."

* * *

Located at the heart of Moonside is the Mani-Mani Statue. The harbinger of evil, it digs into the darkest recesses of your heart, drawing out your fears and desires, weaving dreams into a nightmarish reality.

"Hey!" Porky shouts.

And the battle begins.

It's Porky's first instinct to play dead. After all, this malevolent entity is capable of mind-crushing PSI attacks. They could very well be killed within one turn.

Jeff's calm voice stills his raging thoughts. "All systems go. Ready when you are."

"A-Are you sure you can operate that?"

"Are you sure you can be my eyes?"

Despite everything, Porky musters a crooked smirk. "Hah! Don't underestimate me!"

Then the Statue moves. Porky braces himself. Jeff whips out his Multi-Bottle Rocket.

**_BOOM! BOOM! BOOOOOM!_ **


	4. Back to Fourside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teamwork paid off.

After the earthquake subsides, Porky slowly opens his eyes. No more black sky. No more trippy colors.

Instead, he's lying on the floor of a backroom closet. Peeling wallpaper. Swirling dust motes. The smell of rotting wood.

"Porky?"

Laying in a million shards is the Mani-Mani Statue.

"We did it." Jeff is slumped against a box, his head in his hands. "We shattered the Statue's illusion… Porky, are you there?"

The door flies open. **_THUMP! THUMP!_** Sneakers clang against linoleum.

"NESS?!" Porky yelps.

Ness's eyes flash when he sees Porky. He sees the broken Mani-Mani Statue. He sees his friend, who's barely hanging onto the threads of consciousness.

"I messed up," Jeff blurts. "My glasses fell off… I pressed the button… too…prematurely…"

Ness scoops Jeff into his arms. Words are unnecessary to convey Ness's emotions at this moment. It's too much that Porky has to look away.

* * *

Ness burns $210 for a room in the posh Monotoli Grand Hotel.

"I don't need rest," Jeff insists. "We need to find Paula—"

And he's out with a bat to the head.

As Jeff drifts in and out of consciousness, Ness explains his side of the story. After Porky worked up his temper (cue a nasty glare to the offending boy), Ness went to the Fourside Bakery and gorged himself on Skip Sandwiches DX's. But when he returned to the bench, Jeff and Porky were gone. Horrified that they might've met the same fate as Paula, Ness poked around for clues that ultimately led him to Jackie's café. Something with Everdred and a stolen Mani-Mani Statue, cumulating in Ness's timely discovery of this secret storage closet.

That night, Ness passes out as soon as he touches the bed.

Jeff's head hurt too much to sleep. He tinkers with his broken items before the pain behind his temples become too intense to bear. A brisk walk might lighten the head.

Jeff relies wholly on his four other senses to navigate. The world is so blurry, as if he's wading in syrupy miasma. Unfortunately, there are no optometrists in Fourside, so Jeff is stuck with being a bigger burden than usual.

Cigarette smoke. Wrinkling plastic. Chatter about Monotoli and politics. This must be the lobby.

Jeff bumps into something soft and squishy.

"What are you doing here, nerd?" Porky snickers.

"I can be asking you the same thing."

"You're talking to the wall again, dweeb." Then a pause, as if Porky is mulling over his next words. When he speaks again, his tone is uncharacteristically tender. "Come with me."

Jeff frowns. "Urk, if you insist on going outside, I'm more of a liability than an asset…"

Porky drags Jeff into a small room. "You said you had change, right? Give it to me."

_Clink. Clink._ The sound of coins clanging into a metallic hull. _Ring… ring…_

_"Hello?"_ says a tinny, muffled voice.

A deep intake of breath. "P-Picky?"

_"Big brother? Is that you? Where are you?"_

"I'll leave," says Jeff.

"No!" Porky snaps, although it sounds more like a plea.

_"Big Brother? Who's that?"_

"Just a loser. Don't worry about it."

_"Oh. Do you want to talk to Mom and—"_

"No! I-I mean…" Porky clears his throat. Twice. "What's for dinner?"

_"Mom made steak! She said that you ran away from home again, so that's why she made it! Oh, I ate all my broccoli! Tracy came over to play House!"_

Jeff busies himself with his gadgets as the brothers talk. They talk about food and Porky's new shirt and the meteorite they saw the other day. They talk about things that leave a hollow ache in Jeff's bosom. He feels like an unwanted phantom, but Porky won't let him go.

_"Big brother?"_ says Picky. _"You've been gone for some time. Will you come back soon? I miss you."_

Silence.

_"Well, you don't have to come home if you don't want to. You made new friends, didn't you? I'd love to meet them someday!"_

Porky glances over his shoulder. "Hehe. Porky, you whiny crybaby. This is a secret conversation between us, okay? Promise?"

_"Oooh, secret! Yeah! I promise!"_

"Hehehe. Okay, I'm hanging up."

_"Okay!"_

"Don't wet your pants!"

_"I won't! Good night, big bro!"_

Porky puts down the phone.

Jeff starts. "W-What?"

"What?"

"You… called me."

"I didn't."

"You said, 'Jeff.' I heard you loud and clear."

Porky blows a raspberry. "You seriously need to get your eyes checked, nerd!"


End file.
